Most of us would be seized with fear if our bodies went numb, and would do everything possible to avoid it, yet we take no interest at all in the numbing of our souls
Epictetus
I recently read How Will You Measure Your Life by Clayton M. Christensen, James Allworth, and Karen Dillon. Towards the end, Clayton put forward a chapter on the person he wants to be, and how some key decisions and focus areas in life have ensured that he has stayed true to his path.
It was good food for thought. Whilst we strive towards goals, we need to make sure that what we are doing is aligned with our version of living a good life. The Stoics put forward that this is living a life of virtue. To do this, we need to know what our values are and that we are living in alignment to these, both with our actions and our time. I have previously put forward my ideal day along with some key pillars to me life. It seems natural to combine all of these and put forward the person I want to be.
Family and connections are important. To me, there is nothing more noble then being a dedicated and committed husband, a present father, and a caring son. It’s important to maintain relationship with my broader family as well.
To achieve this, I need to make sure that my body is fit and that my mind is active. I need to maintain my strength, ensure that I continue to learn, and that my fitness is as high as it can be. I want to be able to pick up future children and run around the yard whilst giving them a piggy back. I want to be able to do cartwheels with friends children. I want to be able to go on hikes and adventures with my wife. I want to stay sharp and present in conversations. I need to eat well and train well. Plus, being active and going on quests is always enjoyable.
Going on quests builds experiences. It puts us in new situations and challenges us to learn and grow. Things at times won’t go our way and we will build resilience. We’ll create lots of different memories. We’ll continue to build connections. We’ll level up. We’ll see the world in all of it’s glory and faults. We’ll gain new perspectives.
I want to share my knowledge with others and do my part to improve the lives of others.
I want to work in a career that I find fulfilling, provides financial security and stability for my family, and that helps others live better lives.
To distill this, I want to become a man who:
- Is a kind, honest, forgiving, courageous and capable husband, father, son and friend
- Is dedicated to improving the lives of other people
- Makes moving his body and eating well a part of every day life
- Lives a life of quests
Now that we have this established, we need to consider how we can become so deeply committed to these things that they guide what we prioritise our time each day – that drives what we do and don’t do – enabling us to live in accordance to what is important to us?
We can use ordinary activities to fulfil these. I can be a kind husband by enjoying a coffee with my wife in the mornings on our patio, being present in the conversation and laughing at jokes. I can connect with family and also improve our lives through the value of hard work by painting our rooms when the time comes, and we can even call it a quest. Defeat the tired room look boss, apply a fresh coat of paint over a weekend. Level up.
Habits are always a good place to start.
We can also keep track of our time and review after a week to see if this does match. If I log too many hours on the Xbox, I need to review that. Granted, it’s good to have leisure time. But logging too many hours on Baldur’s Gate II doesn’t move me towards any of the things above that I want. I might only spend two sessions writing. That might need to be more, as it is through writing that I can understand my thoughts, distill my knowledge, create new ideas, and preparing blog posts and podcast episodes notes so I can record and release weekly episodes, which is part of improving the lives of other people and living a life of quests.
It will be an enjoyable quest.