First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do
Epictetus
I love role play games. The story, the adventure, the quests, the growth of your character. The Baldur’s Gate games are some of then most memorable games I have played. Neverwinter Nights, Iceland Dale, Diablo, Gloomhaven. Anything where you choose the journey and destiny of your character. Creating your character is a lot of fun. Will you focus on strength and dexterity? Perhaps intelligence and charisma? Are you lawful good or chaotic neutral? How will you spend the goal you earn and the experience points when you level up? What quests will we take? What will we give up?
From these choices, our character grows and levels up. The culmination of these choices builds or grows our character into the character we want.
The same is true for life. We need to pay attention to the type of character we want to have. Will we be honest and fair? Healthy and hard working? Will we do hard things? Be a great husband and friend? Are we living our philosophy of life?
It’s not enough to say ‘yes’ to the above. The get there, for our character to be as such, it is the result of our daily activities and choices. Habits can help guide our choices. Want to be healthy? Then we need a daily habit of movement and exercise – walk and climb. Run and lift heavy things. Go on a hike with a heavy backpack. Build habits from choices. Make these choices deliberately.
As a lot of our day is based on our habits, we also need to look at the habits that happen unconsciously – ones that are invisible to us. They are part of our life and happen automatically. That can be a good thing. Your invisible habit might be that when you sit down with your coffee in the morning, you take a few deep breaths to centre yourself without knowing it. It can also be a bad thing. You might grab food out of the cupboard when you are stressed out and not even realise that you are doing it. So we need to examine the invisible habits that we have and determine which ones serve us and which ones do not.
Here are a few of mine:
- I’ll floss after brushing my teeth (good)
- I’ll hit the snooze button most days (bad)
- If I’m tired I’ll skip foam rolling and stretching (bad)
- Items go straight into the dishwasher (good)
- I’ll pause when I have my morning coffee and bring myself back to the moment (good)
- Lately my 15 minute gaming sessions are 40 minutes (bad)
- I’ll complete my morning routine without much thought and it just happens (good) – I did check the things I do in the morning and am happy with these
These are difficult questions that we need to face. We need to be kind to ourselves, adjust where needed, and have grace when we get it wrong. We need to focus on this though, as having our character in alignment with our values is essential to living a good and deep life.
What are some good characteristics to focus on? What behaviours and habits will lead there? To start, it’s the basics:
- Make your bed
- Put rubbish in the bin
- Put the shopping trolley into the collection bay
- Hold the door open for others
- Move each day
- Life something most days
- Floss after brushing
- Don’t lie
- Eat well
- Be present in conversations
- Think of others and check in
- Kiss your loved one when you walk in the door
It’s a start. It’s a lot. There’s more to do.