Wealth is not always a measure of your wallet but rather the love you have for each other, the love you have of your family, the love you will have for your children in the years to come. I hope you both become super wealthy, enjoy the love you have and the devotion you have for each other, and the love you will have of your children should you have them in the future
My father-in-law, his wedding speech to Renee and I, May 15th, 2022
The wealth we need is different to the wealth we chase. We need to focus on internal success and doing enjoyable and hard things. To reframe what is means to have wealth. This is a key to a good life. To live, laugh, quest.
Success can internal or external. Too often we focus on obtaining what others can see of us, external successes such as:
- Cultivating a persona that makes others like us, and worrying about other’s opinions
- Getting a job with an impressive title
- Having a nice car that others can see
- Have a lot of money and showing it
- Focusing on getting an aesthetically pleasing body rather than one that is healthy for us
- Having a life of pleasure
None of this is good. It doesn’t bring lasting fulfilment or enjoyment. It doesn’t bring us closer to others. It doesn’t make us wealthy.
Internal Success is the Way
Internal success is:
- A great marriage
- Good friends
- Health and fitness
- Enjoyment
- Leisure
- A life’s goal
It’s also not easy. It takes time. Sometimes it’s not fun. Sometimes you have to do hard things to make it happen. It’s rewarding and fulfilling. It’s also not visible. Other’s won’t see the love and devotion you wife and you have for each other when it’s just you two. Other’s don’t see how you interact with other friends, the connections you build, how you are present in their conversations. In fact, it doesn’t really matter that they can’t see. It’s about you living in accordance with your values, and focusing on cultivating these characteristics. That we have a great relationship. Have great friends. Put in the time and effort to go to the gym and eat well. Have hobbies that are meaningful and challenge us.
Enjoyment vs Passion
Often used interchangeably, enjoyment and passion are different things, and can come about through the same activities. Arthur Brooks has a good definition. Enjoyment is something that you create through your own efforts. Pleasure is what happens to you.
Let’s take coffee. I love my morning coffee.
Coffee can be enjoyment or passion. If we are intentional about making our coffee, or selecting the flavour pod, of preparing the style, and using it to sit down and read/write/converse, we are creating something and it’s enjoyable. If we are using it for a caffeine hit, then it’s pleasure.
Similarly, we can get enjoyment from the gym because of the benefits it will give you – it doesn’t bring you pleasure when you are picking up heavy weights and your body is sore.
We can enjoy hanging out with our friends if we are focused on cultivating that relationship and connection. It’s pleasure if we use it as a mechanism to just watch TV – as the day is just happening to us).
Hobbies are a great source of enjoyment. We need to be wary of pleasure and avoid it. This is something that I do struggle with at time, as I love to play video games. There is something about being immersed in a role playing game, making choices about your character, deciding on their alignment through interactions with others or the quests that they pursue, how you will equip them, what skills you’ll learn. But it needs to be measured. If I am mindful in the session and it’s short, that it’s enjoyment. If I’m playing for hours on end, not really paying attention, putting off all of the other things that I ought to be doing, then it’s pleasure. Life is just happening around you then. That needs to be avoided.
Ultimately, we need to focus on our internal relationships, enjoy our hobbies, and pursuit meaningful things. Easier said than done. It will be hard. It’s worth it.