What you aim at determines what you see
Dr Jordan B. Peterson
Last week I was fortunate to attend a lecture held by Dr Jordan B. Peterson in Brisbane. The lecture was focused on rule two of beyond order – imagine who you could be, and then aim single-mindedly at that.
That’s a big ask of all of us.
I wrote recently that where we end up in life is our responsibility. We need to choose what to focus on, and therefore where we are aiming. This dictates the path we go down along with the doors we close. Dr Peterson asks us to do even more in this regard.
From the start, this seems like a complex task. It’s even more complex than I first thought. First, we need to truly understand our past and look at any demons that are lurking there that we need to take care of. If we are regularly thinking of memories more than 18 months old in a troubling way, there is something there for us to confront.
Once we have a firmer understanding of our past, only then we imagine who we could be. As Dr Peterson so eloquently said (and I will butcher in my retelling), to imagine means to make real your thoughts. It’s on us to go and bring forward into reality, into the world, who it is we will be.
So where’s a good place to start? How about who we don’t want to be? That’s an easier place. We can all make a list of the person we don’t want to become, of the traits we don’t want to build, or the character we don’t want to display or have.
After all, if we can’t see or we don’t know how we got here, how will we know where we need to go? How can we chart the future when we have nothing to judge it against?
Who don’t you want to be?
From time to time, I’ll think about a specific memory from when I worked in retail. I was young, about 20, and also new to a management role. I let frustration get the better of me in one moment, and I damaged a really good working relationship I had with one of my supervisors. Socialising is an important part of workplace culture. It’s good to take a moment to laugh. On this particular day, as I was walking past the registers, I saw my supervisor and some staff chatting away at the front desk. I became annoyed. I remember asking her to come over to where I was standing, and then proceeded to point out everything that needed to be done at the register area instead of chatting – such as refilling some of the drinks, tidying up the front end chocolate displays, and counting the unused checkouts ready for close. ‘We just stoped for a moment,’ she said. I walked away, unimpressed. When I got back to my office, common sense had (thankfully) prevailed. I immediately went back to the checkouts and apologised profusely.
That memory is a good place to start. I don’t want to be that person again. Who else do I not want to be? I don’t want to be some who:
- yells and is abusive
- is not kind
- loses their patience easily
- others don’t want to be around
- doesn’t contribute
- isn’t there when loved ones need him
- is a bad husband
These are basics. I also don’t want to be someone who isn’t happy in their career and spends needlessly without thought for the future. Who isn’t courageous. Who is unfit. Who hasn’t pursued his dreams.
We need to aim towards something
If a man knows not to which port he sails, no wind is favorable.
Seneca
Where we aim in life is important. We need to pick something and dedicate ourselves. Goals can motivate. Systems and habits are foundational. Write down where you want to go. If you aren’t completely sure, aim towards what you think it is and then evaluate once you get feedback along the way. The journey becomes the ultimate lesson. You’ll be able to adjust course.
Do you think you have a general direction to aim?. Great, let’s aim towards that. It’s a good start. North is as good as place as any. That will get us towards the continent we want. Then we can determine what country or island, what specific port we want.
I’m drawn back to Machu Picchu time and time again in my thoughts. A lot happened at the top of the summit for me. At a profound level, things changed. I became more aware of the world. It ignited my passions for the outdoors, for adventures. It resurfaced my earlier interests in ancient history. It let me down a fulfilling and channelling journey of self discovery. It took me to more countries. It led me to a temporary career change. I did hard things. I developed an interest in philosophy and self development. I became healthier. I wanted to see more, to educate others in outdoor adventures. I wanted to learn and share. I found an aim.
Once you narrow down your aim, things get real. To imagine who you could be ultimately means bringing it forth into reality. That’s scary. It can cause us to pause. To not want to do it. We have to press forward. We can’t stay afloat at sea just looking at our destination. Time will pass. We’ll become miserable. We risk other things crumbling around us, such as our marriage. We have to head towards our aim. Once we know where we are sailing, we are only at the beginning. It will get harder from here.
We need to take responsibility that we need to make changes, and then we need to chart our course, and then head in that direction.
If our aim is to be a better friend, then we need to see them. If our aim is to have a better marriage, then we need to know where to improve and actually go and do the thing – such as paying more attention to your partner, taking them on romantic trips, and being there for them.
So where am I aiming?
My marriage and my family (both immediate and in-laws) are the most important things for me. That is my guiding principle. Time well spent. Full of laughs, memories, and adventures. Underlying this are a few foundations. I need time available to be able to see them. I need finances. I need to maintain a good level of health and fitness. I need to pursue a career and hobbies that are interesting to me, so I am invigorated and present.
I am on the ship heading towards a port to the north. I’m not sure yet exactly what dock we are aiming for. I do know though, that we are heading in the right direction for now. I won’t need to make any finer adjustments for a while. Our sail does have a tear in it though. I need to get it repairs sooner rather than later. For me, that tear is the fear of me starting my own business. I’ve done a few things in the background so I have momentum. I need to keep going. A new sail will take me there faster. That’s my challenge at the moment.