Lately, I’ve been reflecting on an idea from Oliver Burkeman’s book, 4000 weeks, that we need to decide on the things that we are going to suck at, as we can’t be great at everything. There is only so much time that we have in this world, so if we want to be good at things, we need to also decide what not to be good at so we don’t distract ourselves in these pursuits. We need to let some things go. This frees up our time to focus ultimately on the things that matter to us.
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For years I’ve talked about how I want to do a handstand. It was always coming up in conversations. I wanted to learn how to do them so when I go to the top of the mountain I could rock out a handstand photo. Or when I’m walking through a supermarket isle, just randomly rock one out like it’s no big deal, or do a cart wheel, and continue walking. The reality though is that even though I’ve been saying this for years, I haven’t done anything about it. I’m going to let this go. I’m going to be okay with the fact that I fail at handstands and can’t even start them.
There is a big difference at times between what I say I want and what I actually want. What I actually want is to be fit and healthy, to continue to be in a great relationship, see family and close friends, and learn and challenge myself. Handstands for a cool photo just doesn’t fit in there. One day when there are children, I’m sure it will be a focus then so I can engage in those activities. For now, I’m going to fail at them, and be okay with that fact.
Now that’s an easy example to use. There are most challenging things that we are going to have to let go of. In doing so, we are going to have to be okay with disappointing others. Our hopes are dreams are different to our friends and families. To close a door on something will cause, at some points in our lives, disappointment to the ones we care about the most. These can be things such as giving up a long time hobby (I no longer thing of myself as a climber, although I do love indoor bouldering). Making a career change in to something new (and the loss of industry knowledge and reputation, or the idea of the work you have put in over the years to get here to then go start over somewhere else). It can even be changes in focus and wanting more family time.
Choosing what to fail at can be season based. At times we aren’t closing off the door forever. Right now the gym is really important to me. I’ve been able to keep a consistent schedule through my systems, and am in a place where I am putting on strength and size. When we do have a newborn, I know that I am going to have to choose to fail at this. Of course I won’t be able to go as often or as long as I do now. My schedule will be what is it. I will choose to suck at this when the time comes and we are parents because I have a child to care for, their own schedule to look after, and I’ll have my own sleep interrupted so of course some days will be bad for lifting and I won’t be at my peak.
Similarly, if I’m in a season of study, then my desire to read at the pace I am reading recreationally is going to be something I choose to fail at.
Knowing our own priorities and values makes it easier to know what to give up and fail at. We have a number of items that are important to us, and that’s where we want to focus our time. It makes the decision easier.
We can also bring this idea to our approach with productivity and getting things done. A big mindset shift that we can make, once again courtesy of Oliver, is the notion that we will never get everything done. This is why we need to choose what is important. Focus on getting these things done. The must happens verses everything else. Then, we can close out our activity, or work, because by knowing our leaving time, or the time we’ve allocated to something, we can focus on the must do’s. We will never get everything done.
These are just a few thoughts I’ve been thinking about lately. Let’s do more, take action, and move forward.