On Sunday, I’ll say I do to the love of my live and best friend, and start my journey as a husband. To say I’m excited would be to understate the feeling. It’s that plus more. It’s everything. Yesterday, I sat on the patio, curled up on the couch, whiskey and book in hand. My short story Star Wars baby Yoda candle was lit, providing the perfect setting for a great afternoon. My mind wandered throughout the chapters, and I found myself looping back to a common thread. How do I apply all of these principles and ideas as a husband? What does it mean to be a husband?
I have been focused on refining my life philosophy and understanding the values behind them. My aim is that these become front and centre, becoming a driving force behind decisions we make, and that they match with how to choose to spend our time. Alignment. That, in part, is what is to be a husband and to be in a wonderful marriage. At least that’s my sense. We’ll be on this journey together for a lifetime, and we’ll learn a lot along the way. There are many other things it means as well. However, alignment is a good work for now which will tie everything together.
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In 2013, on my birthday, I stood atop the sun gate looking down at Machu Picchu. Those days are still etched into my memory. Not just the visual view, but the dampness of the cool air, the light drizzle hitting your nose by the dog, and the deep sense of awe it imparted in me as the fog slowly rolled away revealing the ruins below. It is one of the most important memories of my life for many reasons. It fired in me the sense that I needed to continue to travel, to learn, to take risks, and follow my own path of curiosity. There was also something missing. Later, as my travels processed that year, I would mention it in my journal. As amazing as this adventure has been, what’s missing is someone to share these experiences with and build these memories with.
It took quite a few more years of wandering before I decided to settle back in Brisbane. I had changed, and will continue to change. I’d matured more, and was ready to begin my new journey to build a home, and if fate allowed it, build a life with someone.
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We met in person at the Regatta over dinner and a glass of wine on 9 July 2020. I was determined to meet her, even in my injured state. One can walk in crutches and a moon boot. It was a delightful evening, and as we talked about lots of different subjects (including Rising of the Shield Hero), I quickly became to knew her for her internal qualities – curiosity, kindness, strength, compassion, and attentiveness to name a few. She was, and is, special.
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One of the keys to our success as a couple has been our ability to listen to each other and to try, as best as we can, to understand the other person. Every comment comes from a place of love. If we misinterpret or take offence, it’s easy for us to remember that we love each other, so there’s a good change we’ve misinterpreted or haven’t build a deep enough level of understanding. We are patient when we delve deeper in to a topic. We explore, learn, and grow together.
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I am so excited, and cannot wait, to begin our life together as husband and wife. For all there is to come. The life we will build. The family we will have (even if it just ends up being fur babies). I’ve resumed writing this at night, and again I’m grinning. How easy I smile when I think about marriage. In many ways, I feel like our life is just about to begin.
As we approach new beginnings, here’s a couple of thoughts on how to start a marriage with strength, love, kindness, and compassion:
- Communicate our future plans and desires, and recognise that we will both change over the years, and therefore, so will our plans
- Lean in to and support each other in changes in interest, hobbies, passions, and careers
- Merge the current and the future – stay grounded and present in the day to day, savouring the moments – and build time to focus to make sure we are heading in the direction we want to go
- Support Renee in her endeavours – be present and available when she calls – listen and talk through concerns – brainstorm and come up with solutions when asked
- Communicate often and check in on the stories we have built – if you no longer want to be the person/couple who works many hours and instead take a back seat – lean in and have the conversations this requires – there may be a few as this changes the couple’s ‘identity’ – and it may take some time to build the new story. Stories and identifies are how we all connect
- We are in partnership – it’s not about me being better – it’s about growing together
- As we are in partnership, we are a team (TReam) in the game we play. We are not versing each other – as then one needs to win and the other needs to lose
I know that I’ve missed many things. We are new to this, after all! Looking back I’m sure there will be many adjustments. We’ll get a lot wrong along the way too, I’m sure. I know that we will have an amazing life together, and as I resume typing this again in the morning, Star Wars candle burning behind me and coffee to the side, I’m grinning ear to ear.