Recently, I have become a big fan of using click and collect for most of our groceries. It has been a massive convenience, saving us a lot of time from having to browse through the supermarket aisles with a toddler in tow.

It provides ease and low friction. I can shop during my own time – which nowadays is laying down on the bed after my daughter is asleep – using the app to add items to the cart. Then I select when I want to pick the groceries up, turn up, load the bags into the boot of the car, and go home. 

Do that a few times once and you’ll be converted.

It’s tempted me to want to find the same ease of convenience to other things in life. But as I think more about it, the more I’m trying to resist this idea (apart from Amazon, as having disposable nappies delivered the next day is a luxury).

Friction, difficulty, unease are all necessary things. Provided they come at the right place at time (I’m not going to use cloth nappies to experience difficulty). They lead to unexpected learnings, growth, and even at times, fun memories. In the moment there are certainly times where I find myself wishing that I had chosen an easier path, but sometimes things being difficult is the point. After all, how do we test, develop, and grow our character without any challenge in our life? How do we find out how we measure up?

I like being in shopping centres, especially early in the morning. It’s quiet and is a great open space which my daughter can run around in and explore. This is particularly useful in the summer months when the UV starts quite early and it’s already warm by 7:00 am. Having an air conditioned, indoor space has been great. We take her into the supermarket to get fresh fruits and vegetables, and she enjoys helping us select bananas, pears, and even scooping some of the nuts or treats into the bags to weigh. 

We also go into other stores to look around and pick up other items. A favourite phrase for my daughter at the moment is to run up to a piece of clothing, take it off the rack, proclaim “I like this one,” and then put it back and run to the next item to do it all again. It’s these ordinary moments of parenthood that bring me a lot of joy as I experience her personality grow and shape itself. 

Being out in public means that we are always interacting with people. Some of these interactions led us to try click and collect for the majority of our groceries. The expansive space of shopping centres, I believe, are wonderful environments for toddlers to explore and be in the world. Yet it is also full of lots of people that happily express annoyance at having children run around. When the supermarkets get busy and we are in narrow aisles, some people are very annoyed when they have to navigate around a toddler who is curious about the various boxes of spaghetti on the bottom shelf. We also have to be constantly vigilant, as others push their trolleys very fast, so all it would take is a lapse in concentration or the person pushing to not be fully aware of their surroundings and we could have an accident.

All this aside, I still think shopping centres are great, and we also had an option to remove friction from the difficult part which, to me, is something that can be removed.

One of the unexpected benefits of click and collect is the time that we get to spend with the person working that day. It’s not simply a case where they carry out the groceries and walk away. For a minute or two, they are there helping us load things into the car. It’s a long enough space (yes, 60 seconds is more than enough time) to ask someone how they are and get a response longer than ‘good.’ As we have become regulars, we start to get the same person most weeks, which allows for more extended conversation. It’s been a nice break from self service, which while may have some convenience, is another avenue which removes human connection out of our lives.

If we wanted to, we are in a society nowadays where we technically never need to leave the house. We can get all of our food and items delivered, can stream entertainment to our TV, play video games, be part of online communities and chat.

We can, in effect, not interact with anyone.

But an essential part of being human is being out in the world with others, which has friction and difficulty. 

With our current focus on simplicity and convenience, we are inadvertently, perhaps even intentionally, removing the human experience from things. If I order something and it arrives at my door, I’m not talking to anyone.

Easier? I’m willing to grant that.

But is this what we actually want? To slowly remove our interactions with others?

What happens to us then?

That’s not something I want.

Friction is necessary. Time with others is good for us. We are social creatures that should rely on others. We should be a part of our community. Be there for each other. Build and form friendships.

And that means at times we have to go through the difficulties of these interactions. You have to send multiple messages back and forth to organise something and then commit to it. There will be awkward or difficult conversations. Silence and gaps in between thoughts and conversations. Things that we might rather not be doing with others.

But it’s all worth it. For us. For our character. For our family and friends.

Enjoy the conveniences. Grocery click and collect has helped us immensely. But we have to be mindful and aware that it doesn’t become our default mode of operation. 

Becoming a parent was a moment for me when everything changed for the better. I love being a dad. It’s made me more appreciative of how we need to make sure we are perceptive to and attentive of others needs. Parenthood is the obvious example of putting others ahead of yourself. But the idea is more expansive.

Caring for others is a fundamental part of what makes us human. Oikeiōsis, to borrow an Ancient Greek term. It’s natural for us to appropriate or own our characters as rational and social animals. To care for ourselves and care for others¹.

I enjoy the regular catchups that I have with my high school friends. They have been important parts of my life through the decades. They were there when we graduated and figured out what was next for our lives. There when I decided long term travel was something to pursue, followed by outdoor education. There to welcome me back to Brisbane. When I met my now-wife, they were an important part of my life, same as when my daughter was born, and continue to be. Along with family, these communities and friendships help to sustain us and are an important way to provide care for each other. It should give us a lot of fulfillment to be a part of others’ lives and to help out.

But it only works because we see each other. Yes, technology is great for the moments in between because we can share a quick note, laugh at a meme, and keep in contact during moments when we are all very busy. Yet it is the shared catchups that occur that keeps our friendships and family active and important, and allows us to help. We all have to experience friction to make our calendars work and commit to doing things. I’m grateful that everyone continues to do so.

Notes

1. This doctrine, oikeiōsis, is the foundation of Stoic ethics and has its own basis in physics and the nature of living beings. ↩︎